Somehow, I think we've been here before...

And yes we have. So I now officially reside at home, for the first time in like 4 years and it's quite an adjustment. It's just after midnight on the east coast and I'm the only thing moving in the house. Even the dogs have passed out for the night. Also, there's really no room for me here. I'm sleeping on what used to be my platform bed but has been used as a couch since I've been gone, so it's really just a box spring with a futon mattress on top of it. It's pretty much sleeping on the floor. Not to mention the fact that there's no room for any of my stuff. It took me 2 hours of cleaning to get a spot to put the computer and all my clothes... well they're out in the sun room. Getting dressed is even a task anymore. I don't know where any of my things are, I was here over a week before I could even shave since I couldn't find a razor. All I can say is that I cannot wait for August. Just over 2 months from now I'll be packing up again and leaving for good. This time taking off across the state in pursuit of a Masters. That's really the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm away from everything I've known for the past 6 years. Places, friends, everything. I hate Toledo. There is no walking anywhere. There is no short trip. Everything that was easy in BG is a fucking planed out trek up here. I hate it.

On a more uplifting note, things couldn't be better in the relationship department. Ok, there's one way things could be better. We could live in the same area code. Yet, despite the prospect of the next two years being a long distance relationship, things feel stronger than ever. We exchanged those three words this past weekend. It felt different than any other time I've said it to a woman. As opposed to the last person I said it to, I actually mean it. I can't explain it exactly, but it's like floating on air. I'm making my first trek east to see her tomorrow. With a new car, I'm not scared to make the drive. I'm just kinda scared of staying there overnight. It is her parents' place after all. And she is, of her own admittance, daddy's little girl. Usually, daddy has a certain feeling towards the guy who is sleeping in the same bed as daddy's little girl and I really don't need any more scars thank you very much. It should be fine, he seemed pretty cool when we met so I'm hoping that I don't end up duct-taped to a chair in some dark basement somewhere in Cleveland with some guy in a butcher's apron with a pain of pliers in one hand and a blowtorch in the other...

And so, I'd like to propose a toast to the caterers. And to the pigeon who crapped on the groom's family's limousine. As for the rest of you around this table not directly related to me... you can sod off. I wouldn't trust any of you to sit the right way on a toilet seat.

Listening to CD's At Work

I am, in fact listening to random CD's at work and digging through the database for songs I haven't heard in forever. All told, I'm happy that our cluster has so much David Bowie but their "Indie" section is a joke. Anywho, I'm doing the normal month between posts but I know that will be changing within the next few weeks, seeing that I'm doing something that I never imagined that I'd have to do... moving back into my parent's house. It's only for a few months, but still at the age of 24 I figured that that is one place which I wouldn't be again. I thought I left for good the summer before my junior year (part 1) of college. Again, it's nothing against my parents. I love them very much and can't explain how grateful I am to have a place to live and save up cash for a few months before heading to Kent State. It's just... there's somethings about my live that are gonna change. They are not used to people being awake at 3am, etc. Not to mention that I really don't want to leave BG. It's been my home for the past 6 years and I was comfortable. But that's how I got into trouble in the first place, so it's good to leave but at the same time I don't wanna go. Then again, I won't be gone long. In fact, most likely I'll only be gone like 4 days a week during the school year.

So most recently I've been dealing with the thoughts of leaving a life I've spent the last 6 years building and all the friends that will still be here and that's a bit of a downer even though I keep telling lyself that I'm moving to make things better. And that I need to lay off the extremly long run-on sentances. That and I finally find someone, and fall for her(...really hard) and we make for opposite sides of the state. She moved home for the summer as undergrads are want to do, and then we're gonna overlap by at the most like two weeks in the fall before she moves back here. So I walked into a situation where this was an inevitability... I'm ok with that. I learned long ago that I can't let past experiances and problems make decisions for me in regards to current experiances. That made little sense to me and I wrote the damn thing, let me attempt to expand. I learned long ago that I cannot allow what happened in the past to color my judgement for a situation now. I may have been burned in the past in a long distance relationship, but this is a completly different set of circumstances now. Different people, different places. It's not the fear of history repeating itself that has bummed me out. It's really just the whole thought that "Shit, you left this afternoon and things will never be the same again."

Unless this thing goes the very long haul, the last few months (as great as they've been) won't be happening again. It's a permanent long distance deal from here on out. I've got two years at Kent, she's got three left at BG then wherever things take her from there. But this girl is worth all the effort and stress that living 3 hours apart can bring and more. She's worth all the crap and jokes etc. that I've been getting and will get. And I realize that I may be gushing a little too much for someone I've been with for 3 months, but it's how I am and I admit it. I'm a hopeless romantic who falls quick and hard and I usually get myself hurt quite easily. But I accept that about myself. I'm the kid that poked the bee hive with a stick. Over and over again...

Before I get out of the way for the real estate show next hour, I shall post a short playlist of stuff that I found in the computer here at work. This is how I speand my Sunday mornings...

Set Adrift on Memory Bliss - PM Dawn

One Night in Bangcock - Murray Head

Wasteland - 10 Years

Because The Night - 10,000 Maniacs

Planet Rock - Afrika Bambaataa

Keep The Car Running - Arcade Fire

Tha Crossroads - Bone Thugs N' Harmony

Bowl of Oranges - Bright Eyes

Have You Seen Her - The Chi-Lights

Wasting My Time - Default

Angels Wanna Wear My Red Shoes - Elvis Costello

Watching The Detectives

Peace Love and Understanding

Everyday I Write The Book

Pump It Up

Accidents Will Happen

Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood

Radio, Radio

Oliver's Army

I kinda got stuck at Elvis Costello. I'm sure I'll do this again next weekend...