An On The Record Lament

So, tonight I find myself doing three things. #1. Drinking straight outta the bottle, #2. Finally playing poker online, #3 And digging through hours of audio, looking for stuff that I can use for a talk demo. I've been given the opportunity to do a sports talk show on my station on Saturday nights, possibly starting in the coming weeks. Of course, in order to find on-air material to use in a demo it means that I'm having to dig through the archives of Off The Record. This brings back a lot of memories and feelings about the show.

For the sake of history, Off The Record was a talk show that I hosted on 88.1 FM WBGU here in Bowling Green. We were at best an all-purpose show and discussed anything that crossed our fancy and ofter degraded into a cross of intelligent conversation and pure anarchy. At any one time, I was joined on the air by Reggae Joe, The Mad Doctor, Iowa Thunder, our resident rock-ologist Gregory, our tall friend Barb, my roommate Lew, and a cool guy from a few of my classes, Tom.

Anyway, having to listen to hours and hours of the show have done two things. First, it renewed my fire to get these shows cut up and posted online as podcasts so that some more people can possibly be entertained by the 8 months we spent on the air. I'm sure very very few of you actually got to hear us live. But secondly, and more heavy, it's making miss what we had in our show. It really was not just a show, it was an opportunity to get together with a great group of people and just have fun. Then in the process of us having fun, we got to share it on the air and hopefully the listeners could join in. I may be overemotional, waxing poetic, but I miss the feeling of a crew that we had. I got to have fun surrounded by friends, doing something I love in an attempt to pad my resume. On a few separate occasions, I've thought about trying to get my show back. But the more I think about it, the more that I don't want to. It would be no where near as good. The crew is pretty much been spread out and the show is not the same if there's a piece missing, as we would find out at various points. It is one of those things that happens in a moment and once it runs its course, it cannot be revived and renewed. Again with the possible over-dramatics, but it was kinda something magical. That is something that I have accepted, but it doesn't make missing that moment any easier.

Missing the show seems to be the tip of an iceberg that has been the last five years of my life. As much fun as I've had and as many friends as I've made (Don't take this as a knock to any of you at all), I feel like I've wasted my undergrad years in a way. At a time in life when all the people around me were going out, meeting people, and grabbing those coveted one-night-stands, I was on the opposite field. For a majority of the 2 years that I spent in the dorms, I would spent weekends in Ypsilanti, MI with my girlfriend and rarely did I stick around and get out and hang out and just be social. That mistake is a whole other can of worms, but regardless I feel that there's a lot of people, situations, and things that I missed out on while I wasn't being a college student 100% of the time. Instead, I spent a good chunk of those first two years trying to be a student, a long-distance boyfriend, and like 5 other things and I really wish that I could have dropped and instead focused on being a student. I hate to go down this route, but I really regret trying to keep a high-school relationship going long-distance in college. This is not really a knock on her or what transpired, but I really think that we both would have been better off apart after leaving for college.

After we got out of the dorms, things did get better despite the constant demands on my wallet. I think my roles got narrowed down to two things: student and employee. It was nice to narrow down a focus. I still got to hang out and actually, I got a lot more social thanks to the general party atmosphere of that shit-hole house. It was a year of fun, even with all the problems that arose, I made many close friends and some not so close friends, drank a hell of a lot, and was surrounded by an atmosphere that could almost be compared to a commune. There were many times that I would come home from class or work and find like 6 people in my living room, just hanging out. Mind you, none of them lived there and usually no one who lived there was at home at the time but it was cool. We never had a real problem and people were always cool. I really miss that feeling, that knowledge that friends were always close and the next good time was never far away. Nor was it usually planned out. The spontaneity of that place is what made it so much fun. Very rarely did we have a plan for the evening. Usually it went something like: "Wanna have a party?" "Ok, beer run?" "Yessir". The cell phones came out, the beer wen in the cooler, and the party started a few hours later. Again, another one of those things that was great in the moment and will never be able to be replicated.

Things slowed down when we moved to the Village of Sin, but the atmosphere was near the same. It really was not until we neared graduation that all of this began to hit me and I saw everything that I had taken for granted over the past 5 year slipping away from me. And that is where I stand now. A man, not sure where he should go in life, pining for times that he let get away from him, and wishing that I could find a situation where that time in my life could be closely replicated. That is how I feel about Off The Record, that is how I feel about my time here in BG, and that is how I feel about my life on the whole. That is the perfect metaphor for the depressed fog that I've been wandering about in for the past few weeks. Of course, you'd never know if not for this blog, but that's neither here nor there. With all of that in mind, I offer a line of advice that I should ponder myself:

Never be afraid of being wrong, only be afraid of being silent.

NBA Live Draft Coverage

It's about 7:20 tonight, the NBA draft is about to start and this will be a live running post about the 1st round. Well, hopefully the entire first round. I get off of work at 10pm so if the 1st round goes past that, I'm screwed. But either way... here we go.

Oh and BTW, I am really glad that the NBA's clock is only 5 minutes, The NFL Draft drags on sooooo damn much because they get about an hour and a half for the first round picks. The NFL should force teams to make their picks, which we know are going to happen days in advance, to make them instead of making us wait the 14:45 to tell us the obvious.

The draft starts in 8 minutes. The Portland Trail Blazers are up first and it's pretty much a given that they're taking Greg Oden. More on the great amount of help that I think he'll offer after the pick.

Just minutes away, and Greg Oden looks very ready to hit the stage.

Pick #1 - Portland Trail Blazers pick Greg Oden C (Ohio State)
He'll be solid out West in the land of the versitile big man. He's shown, especally down the stretch that he can handle the pressure of the big game situation and that he has the skills to dominate the paint. The real question that I have is Portland have or going to get a guard that Oden can look to like he had with Mike Conley in Columbus. Putting a talented backcourt with someone like Oden would be explosive and with 7 picks in this draft the Blazers may be able to draft they're way into the playoffs. I look for Portland to start building around Oden like was done in San Antonio around Tim Duncan. Looking at their roster, Jarrett Jack could be that firestarter that will help Oden take off. They will also benifit greatly from Oden's defensive skills, his jumper is damn good, and he runs the floor very well for a big man. The final piece for the complete package is his willingness to be coached.

Seattle is on the clock, expected to be Kevin Durant

Pick #2 - Seattle Supersonics take Kevin Durant F (Texas)
No surprise there, Durant took home 7 POY awards this year after his one season in Austin. The surprise is the trade that Seattle is getting done with Boston. They will be getting Ray Allen from the Sonics and Boston will give them the 5th pick and draft Jeff Green from G'Town in that spot. Wally Szerbiack, and another player are also heading west.

Via GTalk, I am joined by Zack Jones from Nashville, Tennessee. I asked Zack How much will Oden be able to help out the Blazers?
Zack: As much as Yao helped out Houston when he finally came into his own after 2-3 yrs. Will he ever be as talented as Yao is? Some would argue that he is now. But as long as he can get a bit more strength, he should be able to dominate the low-post, maybe even expand a bit to like 10-15 foot range.
I couldn't agree more.
Zack will be leaving for awhile but I'll try to get his opinions later on as well.

Pick #3 - Atlanta Hawks pick Al Horford F (Florida)
A bit of a surprise here, I thought they would take Conley. Probably the most NBA ready of all the top picks. I think he's one of the smartest players in the last few years and he's go the court vision to become the playmaker. He'll also give the Hawks a huge boost under the boards. If they keep him, they'll be able to build that frontcourt around him. They still need a point guard but since they're so young, the time will be there to gel this into a close-knit solid team.

Damn, I actually have to work. More coming up.

Pick #4 - Memphis Grizzlys pick Mike Conley Jr. G (Ohio State)
His best asset is his explosiveness and the Grizz have picked up a tremendous guard. He needs to improve his shooting consitancy, but I think he'll be able to do that and improve his defensive ability as well. He's already got very quick hands and is adept at open court steals. Being able to pull that trigger, turn the ball over and get up the floor will help him be able to get Memphis back into games, playing the transition game that was rather weak this year.

Pick #5 - Boston Celtics pick Jeff Green F (Georgetown)
Green will go to Seattle with Delonte West, Wally Szerbiack. Boston will get Ray Allen. Even though Rashard Lewis isn't coming back, this deal is a tremendous gain for the Sonics. He'll be the wingman to compleiment Durant.

Pick #6 - Milwaukee Bucks pick Yi Jainlian F (China)
A bit of a surprise here but I think that he can make the same impact for the Bucks that Yao made in Houston in 2003.

Pick #7 - Minnesota Timberwolves pick Corey Brewer F (Florida)
Brewer will be a solid addition, another guy that will make an instant impact for his new team. 2nd Gator to go in the first round, proving how dominant that Florida was. All these guys will do the same in the NBA.

Pick #8 - Charlotte Bobcats pick Brenden Wright F (North Carolina)

LIVE COVERAGE ENDS HERE - sorry, work is actully becoming work and I'll have to pick it up tomorrow...

Some Thoughts On The Crippler

I finally have to get this all down on paper and there's plenty to go on about so pardon me if a drag on...
As you've probably heard by now, thanks to a gaggle of mainstream news coverage, WWE wrestler Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy, and their son Daniel were found dead in their suburban Atlanta home on Monday afternoon. Details have been emerging since then, and the investigation has revealed that Benoit strangled his wife and smothered his son before hanging himself. There are as many questions about the case as answers that are beign uncovered, but there are plenty of emotions that I have been through in the past week, so I figured that it's time to share.

Monday afternoon, I got home from work to an e-mail and a phone call alerting me to the emerging story. I was pretty shaken when I left to play basketball later that evening and when I returned to read the reports on the Raw Tribute show, well I'd be lying if I said I din't shed a tear after hearing the tributes that were given for Benoit. Things got a lot more confusing Tuesday thanks to a sherrif's press conference, alleging that Benoit was the killer himself and all subsequent details that have been released point to that conclusion.

I don't know what to say about the whole thing really. I know what I thought on Monday. I was shocked that another in the business was taken from us too soon. When I was attempting to get into the business, Benoit was the guy that I wanted to be. He was so technically sound in the ring. He gave 110% every time that he stepped in the ring to entertain the fans. No matter if there was 1,000 people in the building or 35,000, he gave his all. He is remembered as a consumate professional, quiet and respectful. He was sen by many of his friends as a rock. Things didn't get to him and he was always the solid, rational one. Which is probably what makes this so damn confusing. Regardless of whether or not drugs were involved at all, these look to be the actions of a man who had snapped. All that being said, a part of me feels guilty for prasing a man who has murdered his family as a man who I looked up to and respected. In this business, it's very easy to blur the character and the performer themselves. I don't know if I can do that here. I still, and probably always will respect Chris Benoit the wrestler. I will admire his body of work in a business that I hold close to my heart. I held the man Chris Benoit in that high regard as well. Right now, I'm not so sure. I hope that things will get sorted out and that his name will get a little less tanished when all the facts are but right now, I on't think I can forgive him. If he lost it and the many pressures got to him, I don't know if I can forgive him for taking his family with him.

Far From Sensational...

Ok, irrelevant time. Well, irrelevant to a vast majority of you. Quick preface: me = huge wrestling fan, former pro wrestler, so issues like this do get to me and therefore I get to share. Friday morning Sherri Martel was found dead in Birmingham, Alabama. Martel was one of the most entertaining and unique performers of the 1980's and 90's and this March was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. She was a pioneer in the business and will be dearly missed. However, the company that brought her to the national limelight was more focused on the storyline death of Mr. McMahon rather than the passing of Martel. Their page wwe.com was, and probably still is dominated with articles on what Shane and Stephanie's first "father-less Father's Day was like, a piece on McMahon's legacy, and some drabble about who will take over for the chairman. Now, without attacking the sheer foolishness of trying to fake someone's death in a storyline, especially someone who is the chairman of a multi-million dollar corporation, the disrespect that has been displayed by the company in this instance is immeasurable. The story about Martel's death and subsequent tributes are half-way down the page under the McMahon's dead crap and the draft ticker. Granted, this is not a company known for it's respectful treatment of issues or anything but the death of a fellow performer is usually reserved for a decently solemn treatment. Internally, there has been discussion of dropping the McMahon angle because of its timing and distastefulness, but it probably won't happen. We're going to hear all summer about "Who killed Vince?". Which is fine, I guess. I don't have cable so I won't be supporting the product ratings-wise and I'm sure that they're will be tons of people who will. But for those of us true fans, not marks, and those associated with the business, we know that an awful insult has been thrown at one of the all-time greats and that's something that is hard to just let us wash by. I think there's plenty to say about our culture and our treatment of death and the taboo that it has assumed in the popular culture but I'm not gonna be able to write that paper.

I'm In A Place...

That's really all I can say about my current state of mental being. I am in a place. The saddest thing is that I can describe what my place is like. If you blend JD and Dr. Cox from the sit-com Scrubs, you have my mental state. There is a lot going on in my life and head and I am showing characteristics of both of these fiction characters. Pathetic that I can draw that parallel, huh? If you don't get this reference, just ask I'll be happy to explain. I already did a long spew of what's going on upstairs and a few things have changed only to be replaced by new neuroses. However, I won't bore you with that. I promise to get back to real issues and there's an interesting theory about the war in Iraq so hopefully I'll be able to look into that. Things should hopefully begin to pan out this week.

Playing A New Game

Since I've got nothing else to do while I'm at work this morning attempting to stay awake and interested, why don't we play a new game called "What's Going On In Dan's Head"? Shall we?

Let's start with a problem that I only recently started thinking about and that pretty much relates to our current locale. I have been sober for a grand total of three days and that fact annoys me to no end. When this was mentioned in gest in a conversation, a do-gooder involved in teh conversation got all deep on us and asked me "So, really... why do you drink?" And I had no answer for him. Truth is, the thrill of boozing should be long past at this point in my life. But the truth is that I go out, and get drunk because I know that when I do, I'll enjoy myself for a couple of hours, because after that I'm going to go home, crawl into my bed along, get up in the morning, and come back to this place and I honestly don't have it in me anymore. So I find the help where I can. Now let's go ahead and clear that up. I work for Clear Channel Toledo in a position that is at best menial labor that requires a pulse and an ear. I drive 20 minutes to this decrepid building in a car that is pretty much being held together by threads to collect a $7.00 an hour paycheck. Now, I got my diploma in the mail today which is the official sign that I've graduated from college. So, if we put this equation together, we see that I've spent five years of my life studying for a damn minimum wage job that is just barely allowing me to live on my own. In fact, the job has become so elementary to me, so devoid of any challenge whatsoever, that I spend most of my time while I'm on the board surfing the web and working on a wrestling archive website that I've been building to pass the time. In fact, I've started to intentionally cut things short so that I have something to do. For example, I know that I can make it out of the studio, down the hall, take a leak, and get back during a three minute break. I plan to try a two minute tomorrow morning. I'm to the point with this soul-sucking job that I'm almost hopin gthat my car gives out, a wheel pops off the axel, sending me into a barricade that will lead to an adventure to truly discover the type of trauma care that Wood County Hospital can provide. I swear to God, some nights on my way home I drive over the Maumee and think about pulling off to the side of the bridge and see what a flight off the edge would be like. You know, it's probably a very good thing that I'm not involved with anyone because I truthfully wouldn't want to subject anyone to the shit that goes on up here. That is unless you're masochistic enough to read this blog...

Re-entry into the world of writing

That's right... I'm back. ::Shudder:: We'll see how long I can remember to update this constantly. Oh, and actually do this in a readable form instead of the usual stream-of-consciousness...