Holy Days for the Church of Sport

Like any good religion, the first thing we need to make clear are our party days. I mean, the days we celebrate as being holy. The Catholic faith has a number of holy days of obligation where you're are supposed to be in church, celebrating mass (Ascension, Solemnity of Mary, the Assumption, All Saint's Day, Christmas Day, and the Immaculate Conception, I think I hit them all. Hey, I can remember all those years of Catholic school!). Well, we needed some of these for the religion of sports. Now, after looking over the calendar I can see some of you out there saying "but I don't like basketball" or whatever sport. Well, then you're not a true believer, now are you? The true believers in the religion of sport will sit through whatever sport is on when the choice is given to them. For example, I dislike NASCAR. Not a fan, just can't get into watching cars go 500 miles in a circle. However, if you gave me a race on a Sunday afternoon, some religious programming, and a bunch of infomercials, your can be sure that I'll be watching guys take left turns for hours. So suck it up.

January 1 - The Rose Bowl
This is truly the Granddaddy of them all and no matter what you're level of hungover, you should see this game. It is the bowl game that is the most full of tradition and spectacle and is always worth a watch. Even id you're not from the Midwest or West Coast and therefore don't watch Big 10 or Pac-10 football, this game is what players from those 21 schools dream of. I only wish we could get Keith Jackson to un-retire for just one day a year and come back and call this.

Early January - The BCS National Championship
The culmination of the journey that is college football. It doesn't matter if your team isn't in it, this is the biggest college football game of the year and you will watch. Besides, it's usually on a Tuesday night in the middle of winter. What better way to burn off an otherwise boring night?

Early Feb. - The Super Bowl
The holiest of days on the sports calendar. Even if you're a Lions fan and your team won't sniff the Super Bowl for years, you must watch. Devout followers of sport will throw a social gathering for the watching of the Super Bowl. However, a few rules. Appropriate cuisine for a Super Bowl party: grilled any meat, chili, brats, beer, chips and the like. Follow tailgate rules for guidance, but when I go to a Super Bowl party I want to have to make up for the food I eat in the following week's workouts. Vegetarian should never be mentioned when considering menu. Also, the halftime show should be left on. There are no prohibitions on getting a quick game of cards, beer pong, trashcan basketball, etc. in while whoever is performing is on. (Unless Prince plays the Super Bowl again. Everyone should be riveted to his performance.)

2nd weekend in Feb. - Daytona 500
Now, I think I put this one on the second level of obligation for myself. That's the beauty of starting your own religion, the rules apply to you only when you want them to. NASCAR is not my cup of tea. I just have a hard time getting into it, so for this race I think that it should be mandatory to take in at least 25 laps and the final 5. The Great American Race is one of those experiances that you really should have to call yourself a well-rounded sports fan. Actually, it would be immensley better to experiance live, so if the opportunity presents itself, go. Traditions are traditions.

February - every 4 years - Winter Olympics
Yes, these are the less popular Games. But the essence of sport lives in the spirit of the Olympics. Athletes from all over the world gather to celebrate the unity that sports can bring and compete for the highest accomplishment in their chosen sport. Sure, we may not understand how each sport works or may seem rather pointless to us. There is something for everyone here are you are required to watch at least 3 days of competition over the course of the Games. For any and all Winter Games, the hockey finals should be among your chosen viewing days.

3rd weekend in March - The Opening Rounds of the NCAA Tournament
 The first days where it is acceptable to watch sports at the office. Many employers give in these days and allow their cube dwellers to watch games on that Thursday and Friday that the tournament starts. I would and have used vacation days to make sure that my tournament watching is unimpeded. These are the best four days in sports. You will see everything that is great and wonderful about the game of basketball on display. The thrilling upsets as smaller schools play their hearts out for a dream. The big teams being pushed before proving why they belong on the top of the heap. The 12 straight hours of games, with only an hour-long dinner break. And of course, rooting for all of the teams that you picked in your office pool. (All followers should get into at least one pool, even if it is just online). How could it get much better than that?
Note: Personally, I extend this holy observance to include the two weeks before so that conference tournaments are included. Not so much the power conferences, but really the mid-major and small conferences. Almost every team from the Patriot League, the SWAC, the Big Sky, and the Atlantic Sun are playing for everything right there in the conference tournament. That's the only way they punch a ticket to the big dance and most likely, the only post season win those teams will taste. It's the epitome of sports, and just a feel-good watch.

Early April - Opening Day
No matter what baseball team you root for, Opening Day is the height of excitement until the September stretch run. For those teams that suck, it is a day where there is the great feeling of hope even if they're in the division cellar in two weeks. For the good teams, it is an omen of things to come throughout the summer and early fall. On a more sentamental note, it can be a day for a father to do some real bonding with his son/daughter. Baseball has traditionally been a game that brings fathers and children closer together and nothing epitomizes baseball better than Opening Day. So Dad, take a vacation day, round up the kids, and go to the ballpark. This one's more about family than the actual game. And whose to say that we don't have family values in our new religion?

Memorial Day - Indy 500
See the description for the Daytona 500. This one is even more of an American institution and can provide a great background for grilling and beer drinking on a holiday off. Also, have you seen Danica Patrick?

June-July every four years, next in 2012 - FIFA World Cup
Yes, I know that it's soccer. The vuvuzelas are gone, but the game goes on. It really is a great sport and is easy to get into if you're open-minded to a sport that can end in a scoreless draw. Some of the world's greatest athletes are soccer players and what do we do for superb athletes, but admire them. You'll notice that his is the only soccer event on the calendar, although I considered including the UEFA Champions League final. If you want to see the game played at it's highest level, that's the game to watch.

July-August - every four years - Summer Olympics
Everything that makes the Winter Olympics great make the Summer Games even better. In my opinion, since there are more sports and more countries participate the Summer Games are the best. With the advent of Internet coverage, there is no reason that you cannot find a niche sport that you love in the games and take in as much of the competition. Because of the importance of the Games, and because we Americans usually do far better in the Summer Games, you should take in at least seven days of competition. If you like to get a good variety and like exploring events that you normally wouldn't watch, let me suggest diving (it's sick what divers can do in the air), cycling (BMX is always cool, but the road races are always more interesting than you'd think), handball (no freaking clue how you play, but it reminds me of something you'd play in high school gym class), and beach volleyball (do I even have to explain to members of either sex?).

Last weekend in August, College Football Kickoff
That last summer weekend signals the return of the great American game. The excitement on campus, rivalries being renewed, memories of the halcyon days of your youth, excuses to wake up on Saturday morning and crack a beer before 10am: college football. There are always great games on, even though most big teams prey on the FCS, MAC, and Sun Belt for their first games. You should view and or attend the game of your favorite team/alma mater and at least one other game. There will be plenty of games to come throughout the season and you likely do not need to be reminded to take part in this weekend, but still. It's dogma, man.

Weekend after Labor Day, NFL Kickoff
Everything that is great about the fall can be found in both professional and college football. I prefer the college game myself, but there are diehard fans of both and everything I listed above for the return of college football being great apply here as well. Again, you should take in the game of your favorite team, and at least one other that weekend. Then there's the reason that I watch so intently: fantasy football.

September-November, College Football Rivalry
Once again with the football. It's kind of our national game here. But once you have you alma mater or favorite team of choice, you must begin hating their rival school. Ohio State and Michigan, Texas and Oklahoma, Florida and Florida State, or in my case Bowling Green and Toledo (Tuck Foledo). No matter what the biggest game of the year for your team, you must make every attempt to attend/watch your school's rivalry game. If you're a fan of a team, you have no excuse for not watching. If you have no team, then pick one that looks intriguing.

November, the World Series
Just as the beginning of the baseball season is an obligation, so is the end. You've got to catch at least one game of the Fall Classic and I encourage more than that. The legend of the World Series is one that stretches back as far as the country has been holding sporting events and there are stories that have been told from so many Series' past. Plus, there's always the possibility of watching the Yankees lose and I'll always relish that thought.

These days are days that you are obligated to participate in under the rules of the Church of Sport. This is considered the minimum you have to do. You are always encouraged to view more, but these are just the bare minimum. Of course you will always be looked upon with higher regard in the hierarchy of the Church, should you choose to include more events and sports in your viewing habits.

Rules for a New Religion

As everybody knows, if you're going to start a religion you need a set of rules. That way everyone is on the same page, and you can chastise those who break said rules. That's the fun part. So if we're going to officially recognize sports as an American religion we need a few rules to follow. Nothing overly complicated mind you. Too many rules would take the fun and enjoyment out of the game. Then we'd just be the NFL.

1. Thou shall pick both a favorite sport and favorite team. Along with that, thou should have at least one blog/sportswriter bookmarked whose beat is your favorite team.
This one is to ensure that everyone has at least one team to root for until the day they die. We're talking superfan levels here. You should probably stop short of giving your car a new paint job in your team's colors. That one might get the neighbors starting a whispering campaign to have you removed to a place with nice soft, bouncy walls.

2. In the case of colleges, thou shall root for your alma mater or the school you attended for the longest amount of time. You are allowed to be a fan of a secondary team, providing your secondary team not be in the same conference as your main team.
For example, I graduated from Bowling Green, which is a MAC school. From here on, I am required to bleed orange and brown. However, I was also raised a Buckeye, as was most of the state of Ohio. These allegiances are fine because they are in separate conferences and rarely play each other in many sports. No flip flopping here if they play each other either. When BG went to the Horseshoe in 2004 and almost knocked off the Buckeyes, a choice had to be made. I was clad in Falcons gear and, although disappointed by the outcome, was still happy for an Ohio State win. But during the game, I was all BG. You don't get to play the "I'm a fan of both teams" card. You do NOT get to be A.J. Hawk's sister and wear something of each team's. I don't care if you've got 2 kids on opposite teams. You pick one and apologize to the other later.
ADDENDUM TO RULE 1: This would be the only time that a vehicle decked out in a team's colors would be acceptable. Should you own a secondary car/truck/van/bus/ambulance that you keep around exclusively for tailgating purposes, then go nuts.

3. If watching a game in which none of your teams are participating, you must pick a side to root for. There are no guidelines on how you should choose which side to support, although if your reasoning goes like "Well, I like their uniforms better", expect ridicule.

4. Keep holy the Sports Calendar. That's still to come.

5. Acceptable tailgate cuisine: burgers, hot dogs, chili, beer, chips, pretzels, beer, brats, sausages, any and all combination of cheese and potatoes, some fish, beer.
Unacceptable tailgate cuisine: steak tartar, wine, stuffed grape leaves, anything labeled as "vegetarian" or "organic" or "gourmet", breakfast cereals.

6. When participating in sporting events yourself, thou shalt not cheat. Unless you're golfing. On the links, you take every drop, every mulligan, and every shortcut you can because that game is really friggin' hard.

7. For men: thou shall attempt to explain any and all sporting events to your wife/girlfriend with patience. If three attempts are rebuffed, then drop the subject. Sports is an area of your relationship you won't be sharing. Should she be open to learning, remain patient and allow at least two seasons for a learning curve. If she owns a team's jersey when you meet her, thou shalt consider marriage immediately. Unless she owns your rival's jersey. You shall then flee.
For women: thou shall exercise a healthy level of understanding when it comes to your boyfriend/husband and his obsession with sports. It's competition and that's genetic in males. Some suppress it better than others, but we all like to compete on some level. If you yourself are a sports fan, all the better. You have something to share on some level. But expect him to use sports as an excuse to separate from you and have guy time. It's healthy. Unless it becomes and obsession, then you should probably step in or find yourself a guy who can balance his love of sports with his love of boobs. More of us can do it than you think.

8. There is no number 8.

9. You do not talk about rule number 9.

10. Finally, there are some things that shalt not be considered sports and will likely bring ridicule and shame if you are caught watching. These games are: bowling (if you do it better drunk, probably not a sport), poker (I love playing, but calling it a sport is a stretch), figure skating (artistic and athletic, but the French judge has too much influence on the outcome), and eating (it's a way of bring in your body nourishment. Not a sport. Slamming 50 hot dogs down your throat in 10 minutes is the sign of a problem, both mental and gastrointestinal. Why we're supporting this crap I can't figure out. And screw you, ESPN for ruining July 4th by running a 2 hour special for the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition. This is all your fault. Well, that and Brett Favre.)

Another Self-indulgant personal treatise

I need to get this out of my head and since this seems to be the only place that I'm good at the verbal diarrhea that comes with that, here I go.
At this point in my life, 26 years old, it's time for me to admit that I may have a problem. The last few months, since moving home, I've put away more alcohol than I have in 2 years living in Kent. I was finally around people that I enjoy drinking with and have fun with. But I'm not afraid of the road I'm walking down. Last night was another night that there are large parts of completely missing. I was at the bar then I woke up in the backseat of my car. I don't know what happened in between. Nothing has come back to me at all. I know that this is something that is very common and I'm hoping that I was my normal jovial drunk self and didn't do anything too embarrassing of offensive to those I was with. But this is something that never used to happen and that's something that legitimately scares me. There are two reasons here. First, I'm feeling the urge to drink more than ever before. At times it feels like a physical manifestation and I know where that leads. Second, I have stopped controlling myself while drinking. Most normal people drink until they get drunk and then stop because they know how crappy they'll feel later. For some reason, that self-preservation instinct as disappeared in my head. My overall point is that I know that I'm heading towards something much more serious and with a family history of alcoholism, I have started to scare myself.
I know this sounds like whining. Even to me it sounds like I'm whining after a couple of bad nights. But I'm not a fan of the road that it looks like I'm taking and I hope to be able to cut the problem off before it takes a more serious turn. Up until now, it's always been a joke about calling myself the group's alcoholic. But there's nothing funny intended by this now. I don't have a drinking problem right now. But after some serious soul-searching, it became pretty obvious to me that I could easily get one. And while I know I'm nowhere near as bad as a full-blown alcoholic and I haven't done as much damage as a full-blown alcoholic, I'm afraid that is what's in my future if I don't start changing the way I think about alcohol and social interactions in general. That's the part that's going to take some serious inner work, but right now it's something that I have to do. I'm terrified of what I might do and more importantly, terrified that I will hurt and/or lose those close to me if I don't change my behavior. I still have to figure out how to do this because for the past 8 years, booze has pretty much been the main avenue for social interaction. While most of my friends have grown up, matured, and learned how to have fun without booze, I fell behind in that. Maturing in that manner is something that I need to do now and as fast as I can.

All That Is Old is New Again

I know I keep starting personal posts with this, but man has it been forever since I wrote here. Yeah, I last did something over winter break when I was very bored. However since then, a ton has happened to me. If you'll excuse the venting post, I'd like to get it all out. The spring semester did what I expected it to and kicked my ass, even though I was only in two classes. I was also trying to finish my project and get out and graduate. The project got done (for the most part) but the graduation part didn't. I got lost in the web of educational bureaucracy then just gave up and resolved myself to graduating in December and spending a semester writing. Granted, I gave up on that in June when my laptop crapped out on me and I've put off writing ever since. I've even lost contact with my committee, which I should probably do something about this week...

Which leads me to the next wonderful part of my summer, I live at home again. There is nothing more personally deflating than admitting that you've failed at supporting yourself and have to move home. I'm not a fan of my current living situation. I just didn't find work in the Akron area before our lease ran out at the end of June. There really wasn't much else I could do. My mom has been supportive, but I really feel like I've been taking advantage of her since I moved back. I feel bad being there, but right now I've left myself with few options. I want to be in Ohio at least until I graduate if I can help it, just so I can hunt people down if need be. Also, I'm writing live from the studios of the old station. I've gone back after 2 years at a little more than minimum wage because I need a paycheck that bad. The sad thing to me is how little about the job is foreign to me, even after 2 years. I'm determined that my stay here will only be a few months long this time.

If there's a bright side to all of this, I'm getting to see people more often than I have while living out east. Obviously. But I'm kinda reconnecting with people that I really didn't get to spend time with while I was going to Kent. Former roommates, some people I'd kinda lost touch with, ex-girlfriends, it runs the gamut. And as much as I like being around these people and as much fun as hanging out again is, it keeps coming up in the back of my mind that I need to get the hell out of Ohio and that I won't be seeing much of these people by the end of the year. I'm not sure how to handle that. I NEED to get out of here. I know that very well. It's the only way to really get the fresh start I was hoping grad school would be, but at the same time I don't want to lose this part of my life. College was the best time of life and the people that I met and made friends with are my family. My real family isn't that close and this is the group of people that have kept me going many times. These are the types people that you would willing do anything for, and I'm going to miss having them so close. But I know that the only way to really be able to do anything with my life and no fall into the abyss that northwest Ohio has become is to get out as soon as possible. At this point, the plan is to be gone by the beginning of November. I'm hoping the money falls into place the right way so that I can accomplish that. I know that it's time to hit the reset button. I don't want to, but I have to.

One positive story here. As I mentioned before, I started talking to an ex, well the last ex. Now we broke up 2 years ago. I admittedly held onto stuff too long, but was able to get that closure from her last year and moved on. Not that I've been with anyone since, but I've moved past what we were. We kept up contact sparingly, talked in late March on my spring break, then went silent until last week. Let me explain a bit about the timing. I was officially feeling at rock bottom. I was jet-lagged, unemployed, alone, yadda yadda yadda, and pretty much feeling as low as I had in years. Then I get a Facebook message from her and felt like 'well, that's great. That's the icing on the cake.' Hearing from an ex where there's a rocky relationship with is kind of a good way to kill your day. My reaction: read the message, thought about it too much (i.e. how does she always know when I'm at my worst to start talking again?) and then went on do what I do: I grabbed a bottle of scotch. But before I got a sip down, something hit me. It may have been what alcoholics call a moment of clarity. Something just washed over me that said, as bad as you feel this is not the answer. No shit, I dropped the bottle and it felt like I was going to fall over. I had to sit down and I think I may have dropped a tear or two. I didn't know I had the power to do that.

A New Religion

I have loved sports my entire life. I'm sure that a majority of American men can probably make that statement as well. Games, no matter what sport hold so much meaning for us. They are where we are taught life lessons, learn who we are as a person, bond us as friends and family, and present us with memories that last a lifetime. It is almost part of the American dream. Every little boy relishes that first game of catch with their dad, their first MLB/NFL/NBA/NHL/etc. game, and at some point, thinks about all of those things for his own son. To many of us, sports are an idyllic world that serves our fantasies, helps create our identity, and helps create our community. They do many of the things that organized religion do without as much of the dogma and spiritualism.


As a young American male, sports became a passion for me early on. I followed almost anything that was on television and that has blossomed into a major part of my life now. It really doesn't even matter who is playing anymore, if there's a game on somewhere, I'll probably turn it on. It's also a land of dreams for me. As a guy who is active but was never good enough at any sport to come anywhere near talented enough to play past high school, I see things I wish I could physically do but get great pleasure from seeing others do. As pathetic as it sounds, I have become more attached to game schedules than almost anything else. On Saturdays in the fall, I will do just about anything to make sure that I can see both Ohio State's and Bowling Green's game. There are three TVs in my living room right now for the purpose of watching 3 games at once. To cut a long story short, I am devoted, devoted enough to declare my personal religion to be sports. The passion on game day, to me, is the same as the religious exuberance that some people experience during intense church services or other spiritual experiences. I happen to believe that I'm not the only one who feels this way. So in thinking about all of this, I hope to present documentation for those who worship at the altar of competition, who see stadiums as cathedrals, and for whom game day is a holy day. This week, I'll present our calendar, dogma, and rules for worshiping in the religion of sports.

My Bowl Projections

I haven't done this in awhile and since its a slow news day and I've got the time to kill, here's how I think the bowls will shape up. December 20-January 9 is the best time of the year, next to the first 2 weeks of the NCAA tournament. So, here's how I see this playing out.

New Mexico Bowl - Fresno State (WAC) vs. San Diego State (MWC)
St. Petersburg Bowl - Southern Miss (C-USA) vs. South Florida (BEC)
Las Vegas Bowl - Utah (MWC) vs. UCLA (P-10)
EagleBank Bowl - Duke (ACC) vs. UCF (C-USA)
New Orleans Bowl - Marshall (C-USA) vs. Troy (SBC)
Pointsettia Bowl - BYU (MWC) vs. California (P-10)
Hawaii Bowl - Nevada (WAC) vs. East Carolina (C-USA)
Motor City Bowl (Little Caesar's) - Central Michigan (MAC) vs. Michigan State (B-10)
Meineke Car Care Bowl - Pittsburgh (BEC) vs. North Carolina (ACC)
Champs Sports Bowl - Minnesota (B-10) vs. Virginia Tech (ACC)
Emerald Bowl - Stanford (P-10) vs. Boston College (ACC)
Independence Bowl - Missouri (B-12) vs. Kentucky (SEC)
Papajohns.com Bowl - South Carolina (SEC) vs. West Virginia (BEC)
Alamo Bowl - Northwestern (B-10) vs. Kansas State (B-12)
Humanitarian Bowl - Idaho (WAC) vs. Ohio (MAC)
Texas Bowl - Navy (IND) vs. Texas A&M (B-12)
Holiday Bowl - Nebraska (B-12) vs. Arizona (P-10)
Armed Forces Bowl - Air Force (MWC) vs. SMU (C-USA)
Sun Bowl - Oregon State (P-10) vs. Oklahoma (B-12)
Music City Bowl - Florida State (ACC) vs. Georgia (SEC)
Insight Bowl - Texas Tech (B-12) vs. Wisconsin (B-10)
Peach (Chick-fil-A) Bowl - Mississippi (SEC) vs. Clemson (ACC)
Outback Bowl - Penn State (B-10) vs. Tennessee (SEC)
Citrus (Capital One) Bowl - Iowa (B-10) vs. Auburn (SEC)
Gator Bowl - Notre Dame (IND) vs. Miami (ACC)
Cotton Bowl - Oklahoma State (B-12) vs. LSU (SEC)
Liberty Bowl - Houston (C-USA) vs. Arkansas (SEC)
International Bowl - Temple (MAC) vs. Rutgers (BEC)
GMAC Bowl - Tulsa (C-USA) vs. Northern Illinois (MAC)
Rose Bowl - Ohio State (B-10) vs. Oregon (P-10)
Orange Bowl - Georgia Tech (ACC) vs. Boise State (WAC)
Sugar Bowl - Florida (SEC) vs. Cincinnati (BEC)
Fiesta Bowl - TCU (MWC) vs. USC (P-10)
BCS National Championship Game - BCS #1 Alabama vs. BCS #2 Texas

In 3 weeks I'll see how I did...

R.I.P. Captain Lou

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Captain Lou Albano, the charismatic
professional wrestler who appeared in Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just
Wanna Have Fun" video, has died. He was 76.
World Wrestling Entertainment confirmed the death Thursday on
its Web site.
Albano performed with WWE from 1983 to 1996, when he was
inducted into its hall of fame. He began his wrestling career in
Canada in 1953.
Albano expanded his fan base greatly when he played Lauper's
father in the video for her hit single on a fledgling MTV in 1983.
He later claimed to be the catalyst for her success, according to
WWE.

Captain Lou was one of the true innovators in the business. Much love and respect to the Captain and my deepest sympathies to his friends and family.